KINGSMAN SCREENPLAY PDF

Read the Kingsman: The Secret Service script, written by Matthew Vaughnand Jane Goldman. [Harry takes seat next to Arthur and they both put on glasses that when you look through them show the other members of the Kingsman taking part in the. Kingsman: The Secret Service () Movie Script. Read the Kingsman: The Secret Service full movie script online. SS is dedicated to The Simpsons and host to.

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One minute I was agreeing to do the sequel to Mamma Mia! We cover that, apparently the head-explosion chip in my head got fried so it blew off my arm instead.

Kingsman: The Secret Service

Clearly this is something which could threaten all of our lives, we need to have an emergency meeting straight away! Bring that robot arm, it’s the only piece of evidence we have of.

Leaving the arm lying on the floor of my car. So why do you want to work for a cartel which managed to take over the entire global market for illegal drugs without anybody noticing somehow, whose headquarters is located here on a remote Cambodian mountainside, where due to my love of nostalgia I have created a compound themed around cornball s Americana? Do you always clumsily explain the entire premise behind your character when you meet prospective goons?

To illustrate this, I will now force you to gruesomely murder your best friend. Then after you go get your teeth ground down, your fingerprints seared off, and molten gold poured onto your flesh, report back here to EAT your best friend.

Wait a minute, the Congratulatory Buttsex Princess from the first movie? That – that proved to be the foundation for a serious long-term relationship? Eh, just roll with it. Just like how your street punk friends must have rolled with it when you were suddenly dating actual royalty without explanation.

Very, very, very, very, like almost comically personal!! What have we got? Even our science lady is, just barely. Oh, THIS should be good. Guys, you know how we have abnormal sonic wave detectors installed within range of that random isolated church?

Well it just detected a bunch of abnormal sonic waves! Do we happen to have a helicopter already in the air, less than one minute away from that location? Seems as we do. And of course it is fully stocked with our special big blue band-aids we have that can neutralize head bullets. Yeah, that makes a whole lot of sense.

Hey, our hands were tied. Maybe he could remember his past if we recreated a trauma he went through? Nah, that was a long shot. How about the time from his training he was stuck in a flooding room, then? Make the most of it. Wait, you mean all they need from us famous actors is a couple scenes to use as trailer fodder? Good thing Julianne sent a guy who we recognize on sight and have detailed background information for!

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So we need to get this microscopic tracker into her bloodstream. What if neither of us is somebody she feels like immediately jumping in the sack with?

True, but since we made the buttsex princess retroactively less gratuitous and offputting, we need to balance it out somehow. Just wanted to get a quick okay on my fucking some chick. Well fine then, two can play the sex blackmail game: I need the media to keep ignoring me, as they always do with cinderella-story peasants who wind up romantically involved with princesses.

HANNA hangs up in a huff. Hey, remember this trauma, Colin? Shoot this dog in his fuzzy wuzzy widdle face! Gasp, I remember it all now!

Seems recreational drug takers the world over are breaking out in a veiny blue rash. What up, planet Earth! Just letting you know that I spiked all the drugs in the world with a deadly virus and tens of millions are already infected.

Let me get this straight: This is bad, guys! I took some of those drugs and now I too look like a five-year-old scribbled on me with a blue marker! All right, there are like a million billion vials screenlpay that antidote in there, just antidote all over the place, so there are any number of clever clandestine methods we could use to snag one of them for Mark to reverse-engineer.

Such as me just wandering out onto the main floor and asking the staff to give us one? Well yes, if we were to list our options beginning with the stupidest and clumsiest ones, that would certainly. Wait, we did remember to let the screwnplay know this kongsman a thing, right? Just pulling it out of our asses right this moment? And somehow the vial is still intact, which is good reason for me to just keep holding it loosely in one hand.

I think that was deliberate! I have suspicions that Pedro is sabotaging us, so I will now knock him out with one of those amnesia darts that we have! By which I mean I will shoot him in the fucking head with one of those non-amnesia bullets that we have. Oh well, good thing we brought those laughable anti-headshot bandaids into continuity. Fortunately while Taron was inside the antidote factory, one guy said one name.

Kingsman: The Secret Service () Movie Script | SS

Apparently an organizational genius sitting on a trillion dollars worth of drug money never heard of untraceable email accounts. My team is a tech nerd and a guy recovering from a brain injury? What else you got, a camera disguised as an innocent scimitar? Are you kidding me?

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Kingsman: The Secret Service | Transcripts Wiki | FANDOM powered by Wikia

Now lay low while I take this opportunity to take out some guards. A stranger has appeared outside our high-security crime fortress and is acting suspiciously? This stranger is showing himself to be hostile!

He was just luring that guard towards him so he could enact violence upon him!! Really glad you took out some guards so dumb, we probably could have just handed them lit sticks of dynamite and walked away. Yeah, this watch basically becomes a cheat code at this point. How about you, Colin? Just gonna use your watch against the other robots, which presumably also have microchips, and win instantly?

But in the spirit of my character being totally off her nut and not really making any sense, I might as well give you the code anyway!

Yeah, well, so could you! So why was this movie two and a half hours long then? Because that would have left us with just the main plotline, which is easily the worst, stupidest part of this movie?

Or that kingwman happen. We really have something against amnesia-darting Pedro, huh? So all the junkies got cured, including Channing!

Hooray, the Kingsmen kingzman back! If you disregard the fact that literally only two members of the entire organization are still alive. If you’d screenp,ay to support the site, please check out our Patreon page where pledging can earn you access to an ad-free version of the site, early access to scripts, exclusive scriptsand other cool shit.

Sscreenplay Abridged Scripts published under Creative Commons. JULIANNE MOORE So why do you want to work for a cartel which managed to take over the entire global market for illegal drugs without anybody noticing somehow, whose headquarters is located here on a remote Cambodian mountainside, where due to my love of nostalgia I have created a compound themed around cornball s Americana?

This script was made possible thanks to the support of Screenpkay like Mike. Abridged Scripts are short -ish screenplays for films that just cover the highlights – think of them as Cliff’s Notes for your favorite movies, except Cliff is an asshole and thinks your favorite movie sucks.